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21 October 2005 @ 09:12 pm
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Some weeks are good, some bad, some fun and some not so. This week has just been tiring. All the stress at the beginning of it seemed to set a pattern that try as I might I couldn't seem to quite break. It got better for sure and by mid week I was at least sleeping soundly enough but it always felt as if I was playing catch up with my sleep. Playing catch-up and never catching up though.

For some reason it seems as if my body doesn't fully recharge just by going to bed a bit earlier. It needs that little lie-in in the morning that i so rarely get except at weekends. Perhaps it is because the weather is getting colder and the nights are drawing in that it is getting harder and harder to get up in the mornings. Not that i don't like this time of year. I actually love it. But colder mornings mean my nice warm bed gets even harder to leave and get up every morning. Plus I know that sooner rather than later it is going to get to the stage that I'm getting up in the dark and coming home in the dark. I really hate that.

But it's Friday. he weekend is here and hopefully a couple of days of an extra hour or two or three in bed will give my body clock that little extra nudge it needs to make next week not so tiring and not so tough. I really hope so because i am tired of feeling tired.

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Current Music: 'Paint It Black' - Rolling Stones
21 October 2005 @ 08:59 pm

Which Fantasy/SciFi Character Are You?

Inigo Montoya

A likeable character with a lust for life, you do what gets you by while continually pursuing your own interests.

Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die.

Inigo is a character in The Princess Bride
Current Music: 'Tripping' - Robbie Williams
20 October 2005 @ 09:54 pm
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'Rain and sunshine together make a rainbow.'

A quote from the Fizz tweenies video my daughter has watched so many times she now can play and talk along with the video using her Tweenie dolls to act it out. I swear this girl is going to turn into an even bigger geek than me one day. Anyway one of the things she absolutely loves about that video is the rainbow. But as Jake says 'Where's the rainbow? I've never seen a rainbow' (Yes she has seen it so many times even I can quote from the video now) I don't recall her having seen a rainbow in real life. That changed today and all because of me.

On the way home from work I stopped by the local supermarket to get a few essentials. Essentials including a couple of bottles of Diet Coke. To my Better Half that is. She can't live without her Diet Coke apparently. Anyway I was just about to go throough the doors when I saw the biggest, brightest rainbow I can recall seeing. Immediatly my mind went to my daughter and how she would love to see it. And thanks to the miracle of the mobile she could. I was straight on my mobile to my Better Half to tell her and she immediatly took our daughter to look out of the dining room window to see if they too could see it.

The result? A very excited little girl who once I got home couldn't wait to tell her daddy about the beautiful rainbow she had just seen. Also one very happy me. A simple thought, a simple thing and a happy face results. Life rarely gets better than that.
Current Music: 'Love Generation' - Bob Sinclair feat Gary Pine
19 October 2005 @ 09:26 pm
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Who would have thought it? Getting more sleep makes you less tired. A little bit at least. Normally I'm rarely in bed before midnight but yesterday it was 10pm on the dot. I could actually have just fell into bed and slept the moment I got back from work but that would have screwed up my bodyclock totally and I really need to get it back to normal. So I struggled to make it to ten and then just crashed out and slept solidly for 9 and a half hours. Not that much compared to how much I needed but a whole lot better than my normal six or so hours or the four or five I've ebeen used in the past week. Plus it was good sleep. Slept like a baby the whole time.

No strike that expression. I didn't sleep like a baby. Only someone who has never been a parent would call good sleeping sleeping like a baby. Someone who has paid a visit to a house with a baby, saw it sleeping, thought 'how cute' and then gone back to a baby free house. if I had slept like a baby I would have woken up two or three times in the night, screamed blue murder for attention and food until everyone else was awake then crapped in my pants with the most foul disgusting stuff ever to grace this or any other world. I think my Better Half might just have kicked downstairs to sleep on the sofa if I had done that.

So no, I slept like a log. Dead to the world until my alarm woke me this morning. My alarm being my Better Half. For some reason since I got together with her I have lost my ability to wake up just before the alarm goes off while she has gained it. o now she nudges me awake to get me up. It means she does wake up before me but then has the compensation of rolling over to go back to sleep while I get up. And after my good night's sleep was I feeling full of the joys of morning as i woke up? No. A lot less tired and a little more positive for sure but I am never going to like early mornings no matter how many times I have got experience them.
Current Music: 'A Little Respect' - Erasure, Depeche Mode, New Order
18 October 2005 @ 08:54 pm
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I could have slept all day today. At times it felt as though my mind was even if my body was going through the motions of a normal working day. I suppose that a week of worry and sleepness nights have finally caught up with me. Thankfully it was a worry that has so far not come to pass. My Better Half's gran had the operation and has come through it. She is not out of the woods yet and there is still a ways to go before any of us know how successful an operation it has been but she is still here.

Maybe we shouldn't have worried so much. It is such a negative emotion which sucks the energy out of you without giving anything back. Certainly it has done so with my Better Half who looks way more tired than even I feel. She is worried sick about her gran, I am worried about her and really where does that get us? Nowhere. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen. Not one little bit of worry is going to change that. Instead we should be looking at the positive side. We should be imaginging her gran with a better quality of life after this operation, with more time to spend with her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. And for herself. God knows she has earned that.

However, as much as my concious mind knows about how pointless worrying is I still tend to do it. The result of it this time is that I am absolutely exhausted. Normally there is some little bit of enegy left in me that I can draw on if necessary. Not at the moment. I seem to be running on empty yet unable to stop. At least until I crash which is what my body feels very close to doing. I need an early night and i think it had better be tonight.

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Current Music: 'Cafe Del Mar' - Energy 52
17 October 2005 @ 09:59 pm
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Typical Monday morning at work today. feeling tired, trying to get my mind in gear and working after a weekend of chilling and relaxing when I get a phone call. Now the guy on the other end didn't say he was in India. Not once throughout the whole ten minute conversation that followed did he say where he was. However after the first twenty seconds or so of conversation it was obvious that English wasn't his first language and that he was reading from a prepared script. So obviously some guy in a call centre which from the accent was in India.

It seems strange that companies would pay someone in India to phone or take calls from people in the UK to either be customer support or try and sell you stuff but they do. Not because they are better or worse than call centres in this country on the whole but because it is a whole lot cheaper to pay somewhere there to do the job than someone here. Most of the time you don't even know that the person on the other end is in India. They are hired and trained because they speak good English. They even get training in how to appear English and get English names assigned to them to further this subterfuge.

This guy must have missed that part of the training. In fact he must have missed a whole lot of the training because he was terrible. I could barely understand him, he could barely understand me and the whole point of the call was, so far as I could tell, to gather as much information about me or the company I was working for in return for a renewing a subscription to a free computing magazine which someone once suscribed to but has long since left. A magazine that just gets binned as soon as it arrives.

Now normally I would have just told him to cancel it and hung up. Or if they had called my home just said 'Not interested' and hung up. I don't buy anything from cold callers or give out personal information to someone who just calls up out of the blue. But I was bored, I was tired and I was down. So I played along by giving some totally obvious false and contradicting information to see how far I could push it before he twigged I was talking out of my arse. He didn't. Or if he did he didn't seem to care. It was just a case for him of going through that script as fast as possible and getting some, any answer.

So I upped my salary by 20K, told him I drove a porsche, gave my name as Robbie Williams, made the company out to be virtually a multi-national and he never said anything. Just threw more questions my way which I made up answers to off the top of my head. Fun for a while but by the end of it I was wishing I had just hung up as he just kept on coming with the questions. Did he really believe that i was Diesctor of sales, Head of Security and the Chief programmer and computer buyer? Or was he just at the end of his shift nd trying to keep on target as regards to his calls. God knows or cares.
Current Music: 'Firestarter' - The Prodigy
17 October 2005 @ 01:24 am
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I don't know. Wait years for one Doctor Who show to come along and now you get two. With Captain Jack no less.


Enough to bring a little smile to my face when I am feeling down and can't sleep. I guess there are some compensations to being a sci-fi geek.
Current Music: 'Precious' - Depeche Mode
16 October 2005 @ 06:43 pm
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My Better Half's gran finally went into hospital today. We have known she was going to need this operation for almost a year now but it still seems to have crept up on us. Perhaps it is because the date has been put back and put back so many times that we were thinking maybe that would be the case this time. She was due to go in last Wenesday but she got a call late Tuesday putting it off untl today. And today she went in.

So now we wait. We wait for a phone call to tell us everything has gone okay. Or it hasn't. There is always the chance she will not make it through the operation. The doctors have told her this. Though she needs the operation, like any major surgery it carries a risk. A risk that has everyone who cares for her thinking what could happen tomorrow.

I have to admit to being worried and scared about tomorrow. Both about what will happen to my Better Half's gran and how my Better Half will take it if something does go wrong. I wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow but I do. If bad news does come through she will probably text me to call her instead of calling me. I wonder how I will react to that news. Does it sound cold to say I will be more worried and upset about how my Better Half is coping than about what happened to her gran? That is not to say if anything happens I won't be upset. Of all my Better Half's family her gran is probably the only one I have any real closeness to. Yet I have known her only a few years and only in fleeting visits. For my Better half though this is the family member who has been there for her the most.

More than her mum, more than her dad, more than anyone her gran gave her much needed love when she was growing up and through her bad times. She feels such a close connection with her that if something does happen she will be totally devestated. And I will be devastated by seeing my Better Half's reaction to it. In saying that everything could turn out fine. We could be worrying about something that is years down the line. Still I am praying for the best and preparing for the worst.

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Current Music: 'Bad Day' - Daniel Powter
15 October 2005 @ 10:24 pm

I was going to put up my latest 'Banners Of Triumph' in this post. The icons that have won various icon contests I have entered over the past couple of weeks. Just to show what a fantastic icon maker I am. However for everyone that places I produce many more that people just hate. Some are a few votes short of placing but more are lucky to scrape a vote or two. Thing is i must be a terrible judge of what makes a good icon because I quite like most of them. Not surprising since I make them usually to my own personal taste but also some are also very personal to me. Not that anyone else might see that since they don't and won't know the story behind many of the images I choose when given an opportunity to choose.

So here are some of the ones that didn't make the grade with the voters but which i like anyway.

Losers But LovedCollapse )
Current Music: 'Smack My Bitch Up' - Prodigy
14 October 2005 @ 09:35 pm
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I thought I was organised today. With Christmas just ten weeks away and speeding towards us like a train gathering speed I decided a few days ago to break the habit of a lifetime and try and get all my presents bought before the beginning of December. That really goes against what I used to do. My target in previous years, especially before I met my Better Half, was to get it all done in the week after my Birthday. Since that is a couple of weeks before Christmas it may be seen as cutting things fine but I liked to see it as concentrating the mind.

I'm not one for shopping solo at the best of times but add in a seathing , mass of humanity all intent it seems on buying everything and anything with the merest hint of Christmas about it and there is incentive enough to get in and out as quick as you can. Wham, bam, thank you ma'am and her is your present. But once you have a child then suddenly the shopping and the planning and the thinking about what they would like seems to increase a hundredfold. And the cost.

So to spread it out and to reduce the stress I want it all over before that big rush. And what better way than to do some of that online. Less stress, some great discounts and no carting stuff back from the shops. That is why a few days ago I ordered my first few things for my Better half. I know roughly what I am getting her and will get it a bit at a time in the next six or so weeks. Hurray for organised me. Or amybe not for tofday my even more organised Better half casually drops into the conversation the fact that she has got, wrapped and put away her presents for me for both my birthday and Christmas so now is the time to get the daughter presents sorted. At least the bits she hasn't already done. I'm just going to have to admit that no matter how hard I try I'm never going to be more organised than her.
Current Music: 'Push The Button' - Sugababes